how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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