I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
