im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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