Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
