Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.