Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.