Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle