we made out on top of his cat.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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