Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
