whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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