I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize