let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I didn't notice because vodka
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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