im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
it glows. i had to have it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
