Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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