put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
