We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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