I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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