gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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