I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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