he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
