Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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