dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
