Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
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Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
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Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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