I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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