I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
