im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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