Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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