Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
