someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
