Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
