I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
