i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
