My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize