I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
