Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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