you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.