god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
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After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.