Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.