Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.