summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher