I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
4 words: hood of his car
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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