you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
