i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
