there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
