YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
