yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
