There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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