but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
