oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
