i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
