We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
