Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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