you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
