You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Come share oat with me in your robe
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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