i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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