It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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