im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize