Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
