Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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