I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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