Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
