My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
