They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
