her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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