i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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