I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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