You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
