he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
