Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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