Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
