in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
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she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
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You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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