I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
