I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
