Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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