i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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